RE-VAMP! REEEEE VAMP!

Blogger is so passé.

Testing out some new html I learned.

Fan poll! Teehee.

We here at Benfucksandrei.com need the help of you, the fans! We've had a disagreement concerning the roughness of the face-fucking featured in our videos... Is it too rough, or not rough enough? :) We need to know so we can make videos that will keep you boys coming (lol) back for more, as well as ejaculating (lol).

In other news, our new video, "I don't care that you failed your math test, let's fuck anyways" will be up later this week. I hope you naughty boys enjoy it ;).

Also, anyone on the UGA campus intrested in making upwards of 500 dollars per shoot, drop us a line.

Hugs, kisses, and buttsex,
Ben

Gimmicks.

Here's a list of shows that are gimmicky enough to be picked up by any network, no questions asked. But, should they ask questions, I've prepared a plot synopsis.

Dr. President (or, Mr. President, M.D.)
->A small time medical doctor--Dr. Kenneth Snopes--from rural Kansas is inadvertently elected leader of the free world. Though he now has a plethora of new responsibilities as Commander in Chief, Dr. Snopes still finds time to operate in the newly installed White House O.R. He often delivers addresses still in bloody scrubs. Also, he's exceptionally racist, which doesn't bode well when his black Secretary of State needs his appendix removed... will President Dr. Snopes retract his "no niggers" policy, or will our nation's states lose their Secretary?

Commando in Chief
->A politician from New Jersey (Anthony Natta) narrowly grabs the presidency after his chief financial backer--Hanes Underwear--yanks the funding from under him. As a statement and a retaliatory measure, Natta swears off underwear while he is in office. This causes a stir among the gay and female interns, as President Natta has a now-entirely-visible MASSIVE penis, which, due to the sensual sensation of pant-on-dick friction, is usually erect. Several scenes from the first season will be recreations of the now-famous There's Something About Mary zipper scene.

How I Met YOUR Mother
->A reality show where Gene Simmons travels the country to meet the daughters of various women he's slept with over the years. To save time, there will often be a Brady Bunch-style display of 9 different women while Gene is heard saying (from off screen), "She was backstage at one of my concerts... naked."

Gay Detective
-> A newly outed New Yorker is coming back to work after a GAYcation in the Bahamas... but here's the catch: he's the city's premier detective! Detective John Charles struggles to reestablish the trust his colleagues once had in him while being true to his homosexual innards. Things get off to a rocky start when John develops a MASSIVE crush on Dr. Kenneth Snopes, a man accused of intentionally malpracticing a black patient to death. Can John get over his crush, or will he end up literally fucking a confession out of Dr. Snopes? Tune into CBS tonight at 9/8c to find out!

Commander in Briefs
-> A fun-loving senator from Alaska finds it unbearably hot in Washington, D.C. when he becomes president. So, he does what any fun-loving Alaskan would: he throws all his cards down and caution to the wind and goes balls-out... LITERALLY! This gnarly dude can't be spotted wearing more than a pair of bright red briefs... and he wouldn't have it any other way! The only problem is, chief White House Detective John Charles has recently come out of the closet, and he can't hide the constant boner that now resides in his pants!

Black President
-> Move over Stargate, the SciFi channel's next big hit is here! A loophole is found in the Constitution that enables an AFRICAN-AMERICAN to run for president! From an insistence on Cristal at State Functions to the implementation of the "Presidential Grill", Tyreese Brown can't seem to get anything right! Also, he drinks grape soda alot and is often found napping or shirking his Presidential duties to grind with women he isn't married to. President Brown--or as he would have you call him, Prez Tyreese--does everything in his power to have the best presidency EVER. But wait! White House Doctor Kenneth Snopes is furious with the election results! And this doesn't bode well when Prez Tyreese gets the Clap... again! Will Dr. Snopes retract his "no niggers" policy, or will our nation lose her president?

Commander in Chief
->A woman becomes president.

THIS JUST IN:

Athens - Today, outrage ripples through the Wikipedia (for laymen, the world's premier online encyclopedia) community over a controversial desicion by officals to remove the site's entry on Laura Coolidge, neice of famed singer Rita. Sources say the desicion came after very little debate, calling the intergrity and bias of The Board of Wiki into question. Fans and detracters alike are holding press confrences today to criticize the aforementioned Board.

"It's disgusting," Edith Howard, president of Laura Coolidge, Limited Liability Corporation, told our reporters today, "Even if the entry doesn't sit well with my opinion of Miss Coolidge, I find it highly unfortunate that The Board of Wiki felt they had to intervene. I support the war in Iraq, yes."

Thomas Barman, noted author of So I Married an Iraqi: Never Before Have So Many Three-Ways Occurred in My House: The Thomas Barman (sex) Story, or How I Fucked My Way to the Top and Lived With It offers a different take on the situation: "No, I don't support the President's War. As the husband to an Iraqi expatriate, no, I don't support the war by any means. Also, I'm upset that Code-name: The Cleaner is receiving such poor reviews; it's a really stupendous film! Also, this country's take on polygamy unsettling. What's that? Oh, yeah, sure. [The Board of Wiki] did what they had to."

The Board of Wiki is expected to make an official statement this afternoon.


Above: The original page from Wikipedia.org Below: The page moments before it's deletion.

Drinking sources.

Here's a list of faucets I find acceptable to drink out of, in order of acceptability:
1. UGA Dining Hall Water Fountains
2. Standard Water Founatins
3. My Home Kitchen Sink
4. The Left Sink in my Home Bathroom (the right one just doesn't work for me)
5. The Sink in my Room at UGA

Now, here's a list of things I try to avoid drinking out of:
1. The 2nd and 3rd Showers in my Dorm Bathroom
2. Hoses (any)
3. Pools (any, but mostly public)

Now, here's a list of place I don't try to, but don't mind it if I do drink out of:
1. The Shower in my Bathroom at Home
2. The 1st, 2nd, and 5th Showers in my Dorm Bathroom

Now, here's a list of places I hope to never drink from:
1. Bathtubs (all)
2. Sinks in Public Bathrooms
3. Toilets


On a musical note, I watched 4 music videos on MTVU while I wrote this. I enjoyed all of them. Here's a ranking of them now, and it was a very close race after number 1:
1. The Shins - Phantom Limb
2. Ludacris feat. Mary J. Blige - Runaway Love
3. Dan the Automator feat. Hieroglyphics - Don't Hate the Player
4. K-OS - ELEctrick HeaT the seekwiLL

again, me.

not for YOU.

not for you.

this is for my intrests

Being cutesy.

Thought I'd try my hand at parenthood.







I hope I have some cool ass kids...

You're time will come.

Cigars, anyone?

I really don't know why this hasn't been updated in 6 months... I've had a lot of bloggy events and blog worthy encounters that should have made it but didn't. Here's a run down of what y'all missed:
*Post Harry Potter 6 depression!
*Ben gets a job!
*Ben's friends quit their jobs, stranding Mr. Hutchinson with a bunch of black folk!
*Ben gets new friends to work with!
*New friends get fired!
*Ben hates job for a week, ignited by one key event ("You're not the queens of sandwhiches.")
*Ben makes millions in the rap game!
*Ben takes on the world in another zany mishap!
*The world takes it hard when Ben dominates!
*Ben watches Lost and Prison Break on a regular basis!
*Area fat kid looses weight, confused for new kid!
*Area homo still in the closet, gayer than ever!
*Ben hasn't sent in college applications yet!
*Ben restarts blog, puts off Spanish project to create update!

Bottom line, my life isn't as boring as my blog may lead you to believe. The life of a thug is hardly ever easy.

On the other side of the island...

So the new Harry Potter book drops in a scant 12 days (I'm amped). Some fans are talking this oppurtunity to soar to new levels of queerness, ensuring permenant virginity and life-time residency at their parents' pad. Like check this bitch out. I have limited respect for people who write fan fiction. I mean, it isn't that hard at all to take a pre-made charecter, a pre-made concept, and a pre-made locale and just make up some new event. Minimal skill and imagination are required. I mean, honestly.

Check it, I'm about to drop some mad knowledge on you guys: MC Paul Barman rocks, nay, kills shit. This guy can spit a rhyme like no other. And he comes up with these crazy rhymes schemes. Like, for this one song, "Enter Pan-Man", the rhyme scheme is the Fibonacci sequence. In the first line there is one word (no rhyme), in the second line there is two rhyming words, the third line has three rhyming words, etc. etc. Here is the fourth line of the second verse of the song with the rhyming words designated by (5)'s.

Like Kaufman's masterpiece (5) achieving wide release (5) logos in the marquees (5) said 'Pac Man' with the 'Cs' (5) rotated 90-degrees.

Unfortunately, it stops at 8 and then goes back down, but it's still mad impressive. It's better than anything y'all whack MCs could spit, and as good as anything Red Alert could spit...

Bio to the lum, right down to the essence
Red Alert has go the flow to rock you adolescents...

Maybe...

Soon?

Hollister Can Keep the Bathing Suit they Owe me.

So.... I was in Hollister today with the intention of embarrassing Mary Allen. Unfortunately, the plan quickly fizzled and our group was stuck walking around. During this walkabout, I found this jacket I liked and was modeling it for Sarah, Heather, Caroline, and Jonathan. While this was goings on, some store official walked past me and told me I was stretching the jacket thus rendering it unsellable. Instead of the "Fuck you, cock munch" that he deserved, I told him okay and then put the jacket up. Anyway, the moral of the story is that Hollister has little to no skill in handling it's customers. I had been contemplating buying a shirt that was a exceptionally kick-ass shade of blue, but you know what, fuck that. And you guys can keep the bathing suit you owe me. And Abercrombie, you guys can keep those pants I lent you. Fuck all you guys, I'm going home, stop calling me, and tell you sister to stop making passes at me. Oh, and your mom says "Hi". Through a mouthful of cock, bitch.
Specifically my cock.

So, I'm in this band, right? We call ourselves Jeffre's Tambourine. We sound like nothing you have heard before. In the absence of an actual god, we are a suitable substitute... on a bad day. Like when we get splashed with mud and find out our boyfriend is dating his ex. And we just found out we were pregnant. Even then, we are still an unprecedented level of raw.

I got this pretty cool book the other day called "Subway Art". I enjoy it.

And I'm kinda dissapointed with Mr. Bell at the moment.

If There's Beef, Cock It and Dump It.

You know, I really dislike people who always seems to bring up the fact that they are familiar with marijuana. These people are usually smelly losers who want to be cool, so they manage to work the words "I", "was", and "stoned" into a conversation. Here is an example of this:

REGULAR COOL KID: Foundation is really cool because of all these crazy ideas Isaac Asimov has. Like, the idea of psychohistory is just phenomenal.
SMELLY LOSER: Sounds like this idea I had one time when I was completely stoned. I just have wild ideas whenever I light up!
REGULAR COO KID: ...

or

REGULAR COOL KID: So, as you can see, the reaction of berrylium and nitrogen forms the ever popular Berrylium Nitride.
SMELLY LOSER: One time I smoked 5 fatties in 24 hours!

You see? Completely unnecessary mentioning of marijuana. The only thing lamer than flaunting your ability to break the law is flaunting it through your clothing. Bullshit in cloth form. The level of idiocy required to think something like this is cool is literally limitless. "420 Wear" sucks cock in a manner reminiscent of hardcore homosexual erotica.

I dunno... I guess I like David Firth's cartoons. But at the same time....
Spoilsbury Toast Boy
A Black and White Cartoon About Roof Tiling

Being a gangsta, I found this exceptionally funny. See, it paints a satirical and, of course, metaphorical picture of the 50 Cent-The Game feud. It's funny for the first minute and a half or so.

Up on a Mountain, Beyond Electric Dreams.

Oh, how I hate kids who try to grow facial hair prematurely. I'm talking kids who have barely enough upper lip hair to constitute a mustache. I'm talking kids who look like they smell funny, just cause they don't keep up with their gross facial hair. Like, when you see kids who have facial hair in only one spot (i.e. the chin, the upper lip) growing that shit out, that's just nasty. It's not nasty that their bodies are maturing, but that they think that they have to prove it to everyone. Having a Mexican-style mustache is basically the same as saying "Yeah, my body is changing. Best not fuck with me."

The worst part of my reverse-fetish for mustaches is that practically everyone who wants to be hard has one. Even college students. I saw some guy in Yale with a scraggly, shitty looking goatee. Gross.

Another thing that annoys the shit out of me is how just about every kid with a blog thinks they are boss writers. About five-percent of these kids actually are. But, worse than that, these kids encourage each other's shitiness. This is an actual comment from a shitty-writer's Xanga:
Wow. All I have to say is wow. Not a simple wow but one that is just every thought and feeling put into one single, wow.

If you guys are really interested, you can check out the pile of shit in word form here. Prepare to be smothered in semicolons.

Feel Free to Use More Cursing.

Hannah is right. You guys are looking at a one-man slacker convention.

Who wants to know what rocks? Yeah, DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION. That shit is off the chain. Like, you might think that it sucks cause lots of really nerdy people do it, but trust me, it's the shit. The arrows are mesmerizing.

You know what annoys me? People who talk in cliches and shit. Like, if I weren't as smart and as cool as I am and if I wanted to try to be witty or something, I would have begun the previous paragraph as such: "Who wants 2 no what rocks? Well 2 bad cuz im gunna tell u anyway! lolz." Yeah, that shit isn't at all off the chain. In fact, you might say its fucking inseparable from the chain.
Another example of loser behavior is like saying to your friends "Hold on, I'll be right back" and then when you come back, saying "Don't worry people, I have returned! (some unintelligible Japanese phrase, cause, you know, speaking japanese makes you cool, guaranteed.)!" That shit would be bad enough online, but I actually heard that in real life. In public. In a moderately crowded area. Oh, and I was like at least 15 yards away from the speaker. Yeah, I know. Lame.

One more thing that annoys me (and this happens a surprising amount) is when people claim that books don't have a plot. Like they will be all like "This books has no plot, it's just this guy going around doing stuff." Well, hey bitch, looks like you just figured out the plot. If a book didn't have a plot, it wouldn't exist. Maybe your bitch ass just can't decipher a plot? Who knows?

Analogies and Bullshit.

For all the dumbasses who missed LOST the first time it came on, ABC will be showing the first two episodes back-to-back this wednesday at 8 o'clock. Trust me, you will be insanely glad that you watched it.

Penny-Arcade will never cease to be funny. I am telling yous guys, this is the best, funniest, and all around coolest online comic ever. Seriously, this shit is fantastic. Check it out, gynandroid.

I dunno if any of you watched The OC last week, but I totally predicted what happened. I was like "I bet this happens" and I was right. My sister was so upset because she knows she isn't HALF the guesser that I am. I was all like "Hahaha, who was right?" and then like 5 minutes later I was like "Hey Sara, remember that time I guessed what was going to happen on The OC?" and she acted all tough but you could tell she was really impressed with my skills.

Check out these analogies:
I have this shirt that is too big. It is as if I am a little boy, and the shirt is some sort of blanket.
I remember this one time I lost my blanket when I was really little. My blanket's name was Lovie, and I lost him at Blockbuster. I was really sad when I lost Lovie. It was almost as if I was a sad little boy, and Lovie was a lost blanket.

I am dead serious when I say I could complain about how shitty gothic people are for atleast 5 days.

The metaphorical shit has metaphorically hit the fan, which is also a metaphor.

Since the requests won't STOP pouring in, I've compiled a list of things I believe to be exceedingly shitty. It's like Thanksgiving for you eyes!

1. Total bogus standards, such as my hair being "nasty". What the fuck? I was my hair every day with Herbal Essences cause I like to smell pretty. And then people get this idea that curly hair = nasty hair. One of the least intelligent things that has ever been said to me was something along the lines of "Ewww, do you even wash your hair at all?" from a guy. First of all, WTF? Second of all, what type of shit is that? Thirdly, fuck yeah mother fucker I got your shampoo right here! Another really bull shit standard is that Stephen King is a freak. Guys, this is a totally unfounded claim. Stephen King isn't limited to the horror genre that he is known for.
2. For the past three days, Brandon Morrison has seen it necessary to hit me at least twice for no good fucking reason. I would understand this if he was some sort of bully or some shit like that, but this is an IB kid wailing on me for no reason. And he has this weird thing about mom jokes. No wait, you know what? Brandon Morrison is the second shittiest thing ever. This kid fucking idolizes Josh New. I mean, Josh New is cool and all, but Brandon is his number one all time fan. Like today, I put a kick me sign of two peoples backs. One of Mrs. Mangum, and one on Josh. Brandon goes and takes it off of Josh's back, as if I had committed some sort of sacrilege. Say what? BULL SHIFT!
3. English teachers who tell you how a book is going to end before you read it. How does that motivate students to read? Yeah, it doesn't.
4. Gothic kids.
5. Haircuts.

On a side note of sorts, the following conversation happened between Huggins and I after Mrs. Valentine had mentioned that a movie had been given 5 stars by Playboy, and everyone was like "WHA!?!":
Mrs. Valentine: "I was just saying that to peak your interests."
Huggins: "Oh, Playboy peaks my interests alright..."
Huggins: "You could say I hold it in HIGH esteem"
Huggins: "It sure RAISES my spirits..."
Ben: "Boy, Playboy sure does give me an erection."

Darth Vader is mediocre at best...

Now I lay me down to sleep...

I hate all this "Kerry can't make up his mind on a single issue" bullshit I see in ludicrous abound on asshole's blogs/xangas. If you were to actually sit down and LIST everything that Kerry has supposedly flip-flopped on, the list wouldn't be quite as shocking as you would imagine. Kids, ALL politicians change their minds at some point. And besides, the main thing you bitches got against Kerry is "He supported the war, then he unsupported the war." If you guys were to actually research into these allegations instead of eating the preground mush that you are spoon fed by the media, you would realize that Kerry changed his mind for a legitimate reason. Kerry supported the war under the impression, from Mr. Bush and Co., that this would be an in-and-out operation. After several months, when the war showed no signs of slowing down, Kerry retracted his support. IN RESPONSE TO GEORGE BUSH'S ASS-HANDEDNESS.

Now, I'm not trying to say that George Bush is the utmost of all evil in the world, but I am saying that the man is deeply flawed. Firstly, George Bush is an idiot. I don't know what sort of head-up-your-ass scenario would lead you to believe otherwise. Secondly, George Bush and his administration obfuscate like no other. Sorry if I had the impression that a democratic government would tell the truth to its people.

Another thing I want to talk about is Ralph Nader. The man has several wonderful ideas, but HE SHOULDN'T RUN FOR PRESIDENCY. The only thing Ralph Nader can hope to accomplish is to get Bush reelected.

Tomorrow will define the future of everything. I can only pray that historians won't look back on these times with contempt.

(P.S. I totally hate kids who think they are a lot cooler than they really are. Like, kids who think they are boss at writing. Especially when they suck major ass at writing. Especially when they really think they are writing above par.)

It's time to turn the tide.

I saw this freshman today dressed all gothic like, and I remembered how much gothic people annoy me. I mean, come on kids, you look foolish.

Andei and I are going to co-found the coolest club the school has ever seen: The Stuntwise Free Runners Guild of James Island. HERE is an example of what Free Running is. HOLY CRAP! Did you guys see that? That shit is so hardcore. I bet that if Jesus played any sports, he would do extreme running. Gosh, the levels of awesomeness are hard to fathom. Let me put it in astronomical terms; if awesome was a super nova, the club would be a hyper nova. Do you understand now? That is how awesome this club is going to be.

Here glaring cold in the crystalline geometry of night, obscuring form and tracing faceless fears of suprahuman immensity in a patch of sand or a raptor’s guileless shivering intensity, I’m only a visitor, an atom of atoms on a jutting red spattered synagogue of granite as it crouches literally in space. A frozen amoral giant, gazing heavenward forever. (world’s leetest song)

P.S. lolz, and again lolz